Quixotic
by liketolaugh
Summary: Even Kanda has dreams for the future. He just doesn't want to admit it.


**A/N: This one wasn't a Tumblr idea! This one was a request. Hatelikingbatman requested a Yullen oneshot some four months ago, sorry for the delay. But it is here!**

 **Title: Quixotic**

 **Author: liketolaugh**

 **Rating: T**

 **Pairings: Kanda/Allen**

 **Genre: Romance**

 **Warnings: None**

 **Summary: Even Kanda has dreams for the future. He just doesn't want to admit it.  
**

 **Disclaimer: Like hell I own D. Gray-man.**

* * *

Allen woke up slowly, one sense at a time, with the dull sense of exhaustion still pulling at his consciousness, make his thoughts slow and heavy.

First came the feel of warmth against his back, and then the gentle stroke of a callused hand over his right arm - back and forth, like a metronome. It was almost hypnotic, but instead of sending him to sleep, it eased his way back to wakefulness.

Then came the clean scent of the soap Kanda used, almost covered by that of the oil he polished Mugen with.

Finally, Allen became aware of the murmur of Kanda's voice, uncharacteristically soft for the grump that greeted even the light of day with a scowl and a complaint.

"-live in a small town somewhere. You like talking way too much for me to tolerate by myself, you goddamn chatterbox." A moment of silence, and Kanda's hand swept once, twice, three times over the length of Allen's arm. "We could get a dog, maybe. A big dog that could bite people. You like dogs, right, sprout? Of fucking course you do, who the fuck doesn't." Pause. Once, twice. "Don't know about kids, though. We might be too fucked up for kids. Hell, though, as long as we're dreaming- wonder if you'd even want kids. They're fucking loud." Quiet snort. "So are you, though."

One, two. Three, four. Allen kept his breathing even and deep, listening to this side of Kanda he hardly ever saw.

"We'd own a house." Even quieter now, and slightly rough. "A small one. Sleep in the same bed and wake up together every morning - unless you start snoring, loud beansprout. Then we're gonna have a fucking problem." One, two. "One of us would have to learn to cook. Fuck knows neither of us can now - I've seen you try." One, two. "We don't know half of what we'd have to. I think we could figure it out, though. With all we've gone through, living alone would be a piece of cake." Quieter, "Well." Stroke. "Living together."

Allen couldn't restrain the smile that broke across his face.

"Didn't know you had it in you, Bakanda," he murmured.

He almost regretted it when Kanda jerked away harshly, like piranhas had started to leap from Allen's skin to nip at his fingers. Allen finally opened his eyes and rolled over to gaze sleepily at Kanda, a small grin still on his face.

Kanda was just a silhouette in the darkness, but Allen could see the gleam of his eyes, and Allen's were adjusting already, bringing out the shine of his hair and the alarm in his expression.

"Fucking _hell,_ don't _do_ that!" Kanda snapped, not moving to return to the bed.

Allen yawned, hoping to put Kanda a little more at ease, and beckoned halfheartedly for Kanda to return. Kanda ignored him, and, annoyed, Allen pushed himself up.

"What was that about, Bakanda?" Allen asked, voice a little quieter. Kanda looked away, scowling faintly.

"Fuck. It's nothing. Go back to sleep, beansprout."

"That didn't sound like nothing." Allen folded his legs and looked at Kanda, tilting his head. He decided that Kanda could be very high-maintenance when he wanted to be.

Kanda scowled harder, and was he blushing? _"Forget about it."_

"No." Allen scooted a little closer, reaching out to grab Kanda's wrist and tug him back onto the bed. He made a satisfied noise when Kanda reluctantly sat back down beside him. Allen smiled at him, moving his hand to intertwine with Kanda's. "It was sweet. I'm surprised at you, Kanda."

If Kanda hadn't been blushing before, he definitely was now. Allen did get some sadistic pleasure out of embarrassing him. "Shut the fuck up. It was stupid."

Allen's smile faded. "It wasn't stupid," he countered. "It was a goal. Everyone needs one, idiot."

"An _achievable_ one," Kanda argued, frowning deeply. "Which that sure as hell wasn't. That's so far out of our reach it may as well be on the goddamn moon."

Allen sighed, exasperated, but had to admit that, well. Kanda kind of had a point. "Fine. Then it was a dream." Kanda made a triumphant sound, and Allen reached up to cover Kanda's mouth. While Kanda was reaching up (with his free hand only, Allen noted) to tug it away and splutter indignantly, Allen continued, "Those are good too. They give you hope."

"Stupid hope," Kanda snapped.

Allen laughed. "Hope is hope."

"I hate you."

"I love you too, Kanda."

For a moment, both of them were silent, but neither made a move to lay back down. Finally, Kanda spoke again, in a mutter that Allen would have had to strain to hear if it weren't so quiet in the room already.

"Do you have a… dream?" Allen remained silent. "Beansprout?" Kanda turned his head to frown at him. Allen sighed.

"Sometimes," he started softly, "I think about both of us - all of us - getting out of this alive. We'd move to a small town, like you said, and maybe get jobs that would let us help people locally. People would know us, and they wouldn't feel sorry for us, or be angry with us, because we would just be friends. Neighbors." He pressed an absent kiss to Kanda's jaw, temporarily lost in his own dream. "We could adopt some children, I think. Three or four."

"No way," Kanda argued instantly. Allen laughed.

"Why not?"

"Have you ever been around that many children at once? It'd be a goddamn nightmare."

"Maybe," Allen chuckled. "But they'd be _our_ nightmare."

"Stupid beansprout, don't get sappy over children we don't even have yet," Kanda warned.

Allen chuckled again, and both of them went quiet for another moment. Finally, Kanda made a sound of disgust and pulled away from Allen, releasing his hand abruptly.

"This is stupid, anyway. What's the point? It's not like we're going to make it out of this alive." He shook his head sharply. "Thinking about this is just going to-"

Allen shut Kanda up with a kiss, and while Kanda was scowling at him resentfully, smiled.

"Kanda," he said quietly. "It's okay to dream."

 _"Not for us."_ Kanda jerked his head away, scowling at the wall.

"For anyone." Allen kissed Kanda again on the cheek, and smirked when Kanda jerked to scowl at him again. "What? Are you afraid?"

"Of what?" Kanda demanded, bristling at the very notion, as Allen had known he would.

Allen let his smile fade, silver eyes gleaming earnestly in the moonlight. "Being disappointed."

"Stupid beansprout, who's afraid of that?"

It was Kanda who kissed him this time. When the older boy pulled away, he added, meeting Allen's eyes defiantly,

"And we _are_ getting a dog, by the way."

Allen couldn't help it. He laughed.

* * *

 **So it's kinda short, but... *shrug* Yullen isn't my specialty. Especially not when I'm not allowed to angst. *grin* It was fun, but don't expect me to make a habit of it, sorry. Also, apparently romance in general makes me terrified for my characterization - this is way off from my normal Kanda. *laugh* Thanks for reading, and please review!**


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